AT NIGHT I LAY IN BED

At night I lay in bed. And I think about a gabillion zillion things. Maybe this is why I never get any sleep. My bedtime is at least 4, or 5, or 6, or 7, or 8, or 9 every night/ morning even if I have to go to work at 10 in the morning. It’s cool how I’m a zombie at work everyday and nobody notices. Lol…

When I’m all alone, even when I’m surrounded by people, my mind RACES… Not like “Hmm, what am I going to eat today?” but more like the past, the present, the future, my life, my career, love, life, friends, God, family, conversations…etc etc. Imagine playing the lowest note on the piano and moving your fingers to the right, playing in order, getting all the way to the highest note and then smashing your 10 fingers on the first 10 keys that you see, repeatedly, in no kind of rhythm, and then banging your whole arm on the keys, then banging your head on the keys, and then you just jump on top of the piano, stomping on the keys with your torn shoes. And then you grab a grenade out of nowhere and throw it at the precious instrument and watch it explode.

That is how my mind feels every day. And every night. It doesn’t matter if I’m holding a conversation with someone, my mind is still running. It’s like my mind has a mind of its own. Now mind you, I am NOT crazy. Lol. The last time I checked I wasn’t bipolar or schizo or anything of that sort. I just think wayyyyyy too much. Almost borderline unhealthily.

I hate sharing my thoughts and feelings. The only person I tell everything to is God. And I don’t even have to tell him because he already knows :-). And you can catch most of my thoughts in my songs. But besides God, no one can get into my head like that. No one can get into my business like that. I am extremely extremely private. A yellow and black “do not cross” taped, thorn-filled, barbed wired, booby trapped, invisible bubble surrounds me and my thoughts and only the closest of the close can get a glimpse inside. But I only let them know what I want them to know.

So in sharing my thoughts with you (in Dane Cook’s voice) “You’re a lucky bastard/ bitch” whichever you prefer. I will try to be as open as possible. I will try to direct my fingers to type a portion of what my mind is thinking. Maybe in doing so will buy some time for my head not to explode, let others in a little more, discover things that I never even dared to imagine, and help you internet geeks discover something about yourself also :-).

Thanx for reading. Until next time… Akanke