REMINISCING

Reminiscing about the past couple of months makes me shake my head and laugh at myself. It’s more of a pity laugh. A how can you be so childish and selfish? laugh. You see, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and growing the past couple of months. Going through the motions with Actor, going to Church and getting closer to Him has changed so much in me, and for the better.

I couldn’t see it at the moment, but mine and Actor’s separation was the best thing that could have happened to us. Through the numerous, long, tedious, dramatic, upsetting, horrific, agonizing fights, we’ve both come out better than before. I realized a lot of things on my part. I shouldn’t have blamed him for anything. I shouldn’t have held grudges. I should have communicated more instead of bottling everything inside and letting it explode out of nowhere and he’s looking at me like “What the hell?”… I do that a lot. Holding everything inside that is. Guess it was a survival instinct; a “never let them see you sweat” kinda mentality. I’ve grown used to looking out for myself and taking care of myself all these years that, even when I had someone who loved me more than love itself, I still couldn’t turn it off

I shouldn’t have concentrated so much on what he did wrong to me and focused on what *I* was doing wrong and better myself. I shouldn’t have talked to our mutual friends about our problems. We got everyone involved in our business, which made everything even more complicated because most of our fights consisted of “He said she saids.” It was terrible. I shouldn’t have lashed out at his ex or any other chick cuz he’s a good man. I could see why any woman would want to be with him.

So take it from me my fellow friends: THERE ARE CIVILIZED WAYS TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS!!!

Be patient. Be understanding. Be kind. Love that person. Yes it may seem extremely difficult to even care what the other person has to say at that moment, but DO IT!!!! Before you lash out and name faults in the other person, look at yourself in the mirror and work on you 1st. Communicate more; tell them everything that you’re feeling and why. Don’t just say “You hurt me.” Say “I felt hurt when you did that because…”

Don’t be so quick to judge and curse and go all crazy on your significant other, or any other parties involved. It is NOT going to help anything!!! If you need some time away from each other, do that. Separation gives you time to miss each other and even realize how much you love each other. If you guys never come back to each other then at least you’ll still be friends and not hate each other. If it’s meant to be it will be. Don’t rush it. Don’t push. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If you try to pull him, he’ll push away just as hard… Just live and learn man. Take care of one another. You’re all each other have in this cold world. And read the Bible. Go to Church together. When you strengthen your relationship with Him, everything else will fall into place. Be blessed ya’ll


Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke