LIFE QUESTIONS pt. 2

I was always taken cared of financially. Actor & Q said they ate so much Hamburger Helper, sometimes without the hamburger, ate leftovers for days, went without gifts for holidays and birthdays & couldn't go on too many field trips cuz their parents wouldn't pay. I told them that I always got what I wanted. I could always get what I wanted to eat at the grocery store. Gushers & Fruit Roll Ups. Holla! I went on every single field trip that was offered, got a nice little budget for back to school shopping every summer & had my own computer & everything. And mind you my parents weren't rich by far. They worked in factories on minimum wage.

The only thing that differs with our familes are that Actor & Q are definitely, by a long shot, closer to their family than I am or probably ever will be. That's the only thing that I can honestly say that I ever lacked. I never had to worry about not having dinner or school clothes or the lights being off but our family isn't a very, how do you say? talkative & open family. Probably because it's our culture or whatever but it was always whatever my dad says goes. There's no discussion, no my doors are always open so you can talk to me about anything deal. Talk to my dad about dating or love for music or movies? Are you kidding me? I wasn't allowed to like or be focused on anything but going to school & to become a lawyer or doctor. If you know me, needless to say that was not finna go down. lol.

I can't say I'm envious because that wouldn't be the right description but I do wish that my family was closer like how their family is. My brothers & sisters moved to different states when I was still in elementary school so I basically grew up as an only child. I never had any brothers or sisters to go through things with. We still don't talk much to this day. I probably see or talk to them 4 or 5 times a year, if that.

With white families, if they're wealthy then their parents are probably always working, have no idea what their favorite hobbies or who their friends are, miss their games & shows & compensate by throwing money at them. Again, not all but most.

With Actor & Q's family they are tight-knit. They talk about everything with each other, they laugh, cry, have family dinners, fights & do it all over again the next day. I remember going to my 1st housewarming with Actor. My 1st Thanksgiving dinner. 1st Christmas dinner. 1st baby shower. 1st any family gathering really. My parents are Buddhist therefore don't really celebrate any American holidays. They barely even celebrate any Asian holidays for that matter.

My dad was soooo strict. While I could get any material thing that I wanted, I couldn't get a social life. He used to tell me how long to keep my nails, what I could or couldn't wear, I couldn't talk to boys on the phone or even stand near them when he came to pick me up from school. I couldn't go to the mall unsupervised; they used to walk behind me in the mall. It was so embarrassing. I eventually stopped asking to go. lol. Just told him that I had club meetings after school & went with my friends instead. Don't even get me started on all the tricks I did to get to do what I want. haha. I'm not gonna incriminate myself. Maybe I'll tell ya later. It's sort of a bragging right.

Therefore I guess I'm stuck in the middle. I have the best & worst from both the lower & upper class people. I was taken cared of financially but not emotionally. I couldn't afford a monthly trip to Greece but I always had money in my purse. I didn't have the family support or confidante that I wanted but they paid attention to me. Too much attention & in the wrong areas. I couldn't express myself or be who I wanted to be without feeling guilty or sad because they didn't approve.

So my question is: What is a better situation to grow up in? A poor loving life or a rich loveless life. People out there that have a rich loving life are exceptionally lucky. But the reality is, most people are either or. Maybe more or less but still. Would you rather have a little less to eat, less expensive clothes on & be close with your family than to wear the best clothes, have steak in Italy for lunch & be disconnected & dysfunctional with your family? I'd choose the former.

But does your relationship with your family define who you are? Does a failed home life mean a failed social & work life? If you have problems with your family does that mean your romantic relationship will have problems? If so will they be the same problems? What about when you get married? Will you treat your children the same way? Will it be a never-ending cycle that trickles down from generation to generation? If so, will it ever be broken?