MISSION FAILED

In lieu of all of the bad economic news these days I thought I'd share a news article with you guys:

It wasn't the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission.

The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air-conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said.

Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down.

"Mission failed," he told them.

The Knoxville News Sentinel reported a 911 operator got the call from the 25-year-old Smith before dawn Wednesday, saying he was stuck and needed help.

Police called on the fire department to lift officers to the roof, where they rescued Smith from the vent and restrained him, charging him with burglary.

Smith told police he was a "special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931" and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said.

He said he was following orders to "defuse and confiscate" a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a "MERV6SS-22AN" warhead, according to the report.

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LMAO!!! Ok, so I would've believed the whole defuse and confiscate a Soviet-made nuclear warhead thing if you hadn't gotten caught. I mean, stuck. Lol! I'm all for conspiracy theories cuz if I see someone pale-faced, out of breath, sweating & running out of a store saying there's aliens in there you best believe I'm taking my ass out of the parking lot. But for real though? You called the cops to come get you out? What? Your Illuminati special agent friends were too busy on other missions & couldn't come save you? Aww mannnn.

*STARES*

But next time you decide to rappel down from a helicopter can you do it at my house on Dec. 25th? I can tell everyone you're Santa Claus. Best mission ever!