STEVE THE GRASS MAN

We haven't bought a lawn mower so we rent one & cut the grass whenever we get a chance. Needless to say, with our busy schedules the grass gets prettyyy high before we'll tend to it lol. So ever since we've moved in we've had numerous people come by & tape business cards for lawn care service on our door, mailbox & whathaveyou. Some have even come by the house & rang the doorbell & spoke with us. Ahhhh, but there's always that one persistent one isn't there?

I shall call him Steve because if you know who I'm talking about it would make sense... But anyhoos, Steve is quite a character. He's middle aged, drives an olddddd beat down country blue truck, wears farmer/old school clothing, never looks groomed & always look like he's under the influence. Of alcohol or drugs or both? Your guess is as good as mine. *shrugs*

The first time he came by the house was when I was home by myself. Needless to say I did not open the door. Why? Refer to the paragraph above & the fact that I was new to the neighborhood, home by myself & is a safe & cautious person. Yea... So he rang the door & knocked twice or so & left.

The second time he came by was when me & Q-Ball were home. I told Q-Ball to open the door & after a minute or so of mumbled incoherent conversation Q closed the door & said that he wanted to cut our grass. I said "Tell him we're good. We cut our own grass" and so that was that.

The third time he came by was when all of us were home & Actor's dad was visiting. Actor's dad engaged him in conversation even though we told him we were good. I guess older people just tend to gel together easier or something, I dunno... But during their convo Steve done walked all around our front yard & also tried to look at the side to see what all he could cut. We were a little irritated because we really didn't want him on our property in the 1st place let alone scope it out. He even tried to go around & look at the backyard & Actor's dad was like "You might not want to do that buddy" (Brando you have my permission to attack! lol)
But anyway, Steve is a horrible horrible business man I tell you that much. Not only does he not look the part, he doesn't sound or act it either. Actor's dad asked him for his name & it took about 3 times before we could understand what he was even saying. And he talks really fast & incoherent. I don't trust fast talking people as a general rule of thumb. Not all as there are exceptions but most people.

So Steve said that he'd cut our entire yard for $25 (which is really good because we have a huge yard & others have quoted $50- $80) because Actor's dad is still talking to him & asking questions. By this time we're both irritated & want Steve off of our property so Actor said "Hey my man, thanks for coming by. We're good on the grass but give us your card & we'll call you if we need you." And did Steve have a card? Pleaseeee. That, boys & girls, was a rhetorical question. Steve did however, have someone else's card though & wrote something on the back. Maybe his name or #. Who knows, I can't remember if Actor or his dad took it but it sure isn't on our fridge now. He then procedes to tell us where he lives (down the street, take a left here & a right there to be generally exact) so I deducted that he didn't have a number that we could reach him at. Basically "If you need me just go to *insert vague incoherent directions here* and I'll be there."

We nodded nicely & sent him on his way.

He came back a week or so later of course.

And again.

And again.

We kept telling him that we're good & finally told him that we don't have any money to pay him so maybe he'd leave us alone if we can't pay him. And did he back off? No. He was like "Oh, well, when are you gonna have some money?" "In a couple of weeks." "Oh ok, I'll just come back."

It's like damnnnnnn. He's like a roach that you can't get rid off. You know those roaches that you spray & spray because they're out of "stomping" reach but they never die & seem to get faster? Yea. Those kinds.

So tell me why we came home one night & our grass was cut? I didn't know how to feel. I mean, I gotta give him his props cuz he did a great job but...

WE DIDN'T ASK HIM TO!!!!

I mean damnnnnnn. Ughhh!!!! The first thing that came to my mind was "Now he's gonna keep coming to our house cuz he feels like we owe him money." Motherfucker.

And came by he sure did. He came by one night (why are you coming to my house at night anyway? I. Don't. Know. You) and Actor just paid him $30 instead of $25 to be nice. I wouldn't have paid him. It's like, hey I wasn't here, you shouldn't have been on my property in the 1st place. Secondly how do I know that you cut it? It could've been any of the other people that left us a card and now you're taking credit. So not only were you trespassing but you don't have any proof of your service. So... too bad.

I told Actor to tell him to not ever come by the house again unless we ask him to. And to definitely not cut our grass unless we ask him to. I am NOT cool with that. Don't be coming by my house asking for money for something I didn't ask you to do.

Don't be coming by my house asking for money for something I didn't ask you to do.

Through this whole experience Actor has been way more patient & calm with him than I have. He talked & dealt with him the entire time really. Yours truly does not have time for crappy business people. For sorry people in general. I have way more patience & am nicer to you if I see potential or if you're sincere. But if you don't have your stuff together then I am not messing with you. Whether it's business or personal. Point blank pur-red.

I have to say though, in the end Steve did get the job done. He might not be or know alot of things or but he sure as hell can cut some grass. And he is the most persistent person I've ever encountered. He should be a bill collector. But yea, I feel a little bad for being so harshly judgmental of him based on, well, everything. But hey, didn't you read DRESSED TO IMPRESS? It's human nature to judge the people you associate with because the lack of it can not only get you in a bad business transaction but a heap load of trouble.

"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."
Jim Horning