SAVANNAH BOUND pt. 2

Thursday after work we went shopping for a few last minute knick knacks to bring on the trip. After eating a (and getting semi sick) Honeybaked Ham sandwich (which I dunno why I felt nauseous cuz I eat it all the time. It's the best! Maybe it was something else... *shrugs*) we went home to pack. I took a power nap before I started packing my million sets of clothes. I always overpack cuz you never know what could happen. You might end up staying longer or spill something. I'm OCD shut up! But anyhoos, I'm always prepared & will have almost anything anyone asks for in my purse. I have a lighter, band aids, earrings, contact solution, so on & so on. lol. Actor will be like you got this or this babe? And I just pull it out of my purse & he just shakes his head. I would've been a great Girl Scout dammit!

After filling up on gas & getting snacks & etc. we headed on down the yellow brick road. Ha! I always wanted to say that! (don't mind the random outbursts, I'm being slow right now) As soon as we got into town & stepped in the door it started raining. Perfect timing. I'm glad we didn't have to drive in the rain; I just got a new car so don't want my baby to get in any kind of incident or anything.

There were a whole bunch of people in his aunt's house. I guess they had a gathering & people came to check on her & give their condolences. (If you didn't read "Savannah Bound," we're going down there for Actor's uncle's funeral) As soon as we got in & started our greetings/hugs around the room, I heard a high pitched voice say "Akanke!" I looked around the room to see a tiny & beautiful lady reach out for me. "Grandma!" as I ran over to hug her. She's the best if I haven't mentioned before. We talked & hung out for a while then headed to his other aunt's house.

After leaving there we went to Wally World (Walmart for those of you who are impaired) to pick up some beach towels etc... cuz we were going to the beach on Saturday. We then headed to grandma's house to talk for a while & fell asleep on her couches.

The next morning everyone else arrived in town for the funeral. We woke up, got some Mickey D's breakfast & I hopped in the shower before his cousins came & we'd all have to struggle for bathroom time. I've never been to a funeral before. I mean EVER. So I didn't really know what to wear or expect. I figured I'd go all black to be safe: black dress pants, a black laced off-the-shoulder top & some black wedged heels with a bow on it. Actor had on this sharp black button up with French cuffs (if you don't know, better get on it!) and a banging green tie. I somehow had some green earrings in my purse to match his tie. I swear we didn't plan it. haha. Cuz he didn't get his tie till that morning & I'd already pack all of my stuff for the trip. So there!

We headed to the church (I love how old school & simple Savannah is sometimes. They didn't even have paved parking; we parked on dirt & grass.) It was raining so we ran inside the church & of course, greeted everybody. We went in to see his body & that was an experience within itself. I've never been to a funeral before, hence I'd never seen a dead body before. Sure I've seen almost every episode of CSI, but there's nothing like a real body lying right in front of you. With all the make up & whathaveyou that they did to him, he looks older, but at peace.

The ceremony (I guess that's what you call it, I'm not sure) was nice. There were solos, reminiscent speeches, prayers, and etc. We then headed to the cemetery to lay his casket down. Somehow the company said that it was their policy to not lay the body to rest until everyone is back in their car. Basically we couldn't see the casket being lowered so that sucked. Everyone was a little upset & confused as to why we couldn't. She was like "So everyone can make their ways back to their cars now" No one budged. lol. Everyone stood there & started talking to each other & catching up. After about half an hour we all started to scatter & headed back to the church for food.

Actor already warned me that the food would be sorry, and it was, so we decided to gather everyone and go to Golden Corral. I think I ate the whole buffet up, ok half... It was great! Golden Corral is my favorite buffet place, it kicks Ryan's butt. If anyone knows any better place let me know. We're always game to try new eateries. Food is one of my passions nomatter how fat that sounds. haha.

That particular Golden Corral was sorry that day. The steak chef was horrible. He didn't enjoy his job very much; was standing there frowning the whole time & didn't season any of the steaks before he put it on the grill. And THEN he left the grill unattended & came back whenever he felt like it. Ergo, all of the steaks were well well done even though everyone wanted medium-well. The broccoli wasn't fully cooked & still crispy; cheese all runny; didn't have the big popcorn shrimp that Actor always eat. But our company was great. We all talked, laughed, shared stories, and made fun of the food.

We went back to Grandma's house & took a nap. Woke up & went to his aunt's house again to watch movies & play games... etc

to be continued...

DEAR ACTOR pt. 2

"How does it feel to know you never have to be alone?

When you get home

There must be someplace here

that only you and I could go

So I can show you how I

Dream away everyday

Try so hard to disregard

The rhythm of the rain that drops

And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind

Or treat you unkind

I know you understand"


Love,
Akanke

DEAR ACTOR

Dear Actor,


I got an email saying that your gift is finished being custom made & is arriving shortly. I'm so excited :-D. I hope it looks just like how I saw online. I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but I'll give ya a hint: It's coming from China. You can try to guess what it is all you want to, but everything comes from China so good luck! haha.

Hey, you never know, it could be that Chinese baby I told you about ;-)

I don't know what we're doing for our anniversary yet, but I'm excited about that too. 3 years man. It's been a wonderful ride & I'm ready for years & years to come. We're gonna be one of those couples that still hold hands & be all hugged up on each other when we're 90. Gigady.

I'm also excited for your birthday too. Can't wait to give you your present, and no you can't open it early! I'm not quite sure the plans for that either (or maybe I am but not telling) but I know it's gonna be a great celebration.

I'll see you when I get home k.


Love,
Akanke

SAVANNAH BOUND

We're going to Savannah today. Actor's uncle passed away so the funeral is tomorrow. I don't know him well, but from what I've seen & heard he's a great guy. God bless his soul & let him rest in peace.

We're going to the beach on Saturday. I did like 450+ sit ups yesterday to try & get some of the chunkiness off my stomach so I can look good in my bikini. haha. I don't have a whole bunch of rolls, but since I'm small, any ounce of fat is noticable so I gotta keep it tight. I think it worked a little bit. I'm getting older so it doesn't roll off as fast anymore. If I would've done it for a week my abs would be glistening like they used to.

Pops said that his family might be having a cook out so I'm gonna get to meet Actor's dad's side of the family. I've met almost everyone on his mom's side. I can't wait to see his grandma again. She's the sweetest & nicest person I know besides my mom & grandma. I love that lady. Last time we were down there she came & sat next to me while I was falling asleep & said "You're so pretty. Have a good sleep. I love you" I think I had the most wonderful night's rest after that. I then heard her talking to Actor when he was sleep. She was rubbing his face & just watching him sleep. She said he's so handsome & she loves him & kissed him good night too. The next morning she cooked her famous cheese eggs, grits, & smoked sausage breakfast that I've been hearing about for yearssss. It was the best. She's the greatest.

Savannah is so beautiful & romantic & just plain ol' peaceful. Me & Actor said that would be a place we'd consider residing at when we're older. After all the fame, glamour & success we'd like to live a normal, peaceful life.

We're riding down there in my new car. Whoot whoot! I'm not gonna say what it is since people are crazy & there's alot of haters out there. If you're our homies you should already know... But yea, we're gonna be going lots of places in our new baby. Have a couple destinations in mind already. Whoot whoot!

That's about it for now on Savannah. We'll take lots of pictures & stuff & stuff & I'll write about it soon.

Have a great weekend everybody!

Love,
Akanke

FAT PEOPLE

I have to be at work early in the morning. So I'm driving, weaving in & out of lanes cuz people can't drive & they aggravate me. But anyways, I observe alot. I see so many contradictive things in the world it's crazy. Today I'm gonna concentrate on FAT people. Yes, you read right, FAT people.

Now I am 5'2, probably 95-100 pounds, depending on if I ate before I stepped on the scale. In a nutshell, I'm a little Asian girl. Actor says I have lots of curves & he loves my body, but I still think I'm just a little Asian girl. I'm not anorexic, better yet, I'm far from that. I eat probably 80 times a day; more if I had extra time on my hands. I eat more than Actor does. lol. Ask him, we'll go to Golden Corral & he'll have a plate or two, while I'm taking my time, eating probably 4 or 5 plates. Appetizers, entrees, & desert baby; the whole 9. I love Golden Corral :-D. But yea, I don't go around saying I'm a video chick or I'm so skinny & I love it cuz I'm not fat & all that craziness. I just do me. I am who I am.

What trips me out is how fat people act. And how they be hating on everybody. They hate on skinny people: "Oh she's so skinny she needs to eat more." No fatty, YOU need to eat less. They hate on other fat people: "I don't know why she's wearing that, she's all bulging out. That's nasty." No, YOU'RE nasty, look down at YOUR gut hanging out. lol.

I try not to judge people, I just observe. For instance, what started this whole blog was, in the midst of me weaving in & out of traffic, I look over & see this huge chick, no I mean she had to be like 200+ pounds. Maybe more. She was eating what looks like a triple cheeseburger with everything on it (yes I can tell cuz I'm fat too (Actor calls me that cuz I eat everything in site.)) But yea, she had that, a biggo thing of fries, and a diet coke.

First of all, it's 6:30 in the morning! Oh my GODDDD! Why are you eating that nasty, unhealthy crap anyway, and why are you eating it for breakfast? And the diet Coke. Need I say more? Yea, that'll counter everything else. A diet Coke. LMFAO. And you wanna know why you can't lose weight.

That's the other thing that trips me out about America. They're diet obsessed! I just need to lose 5 more pounds, just 5 more! There's so many pills & programs & surgeries out there. And for what? If you ate right in the first place you wouldn't have to try to lose weight. Yea some people aren't taught what to eat or didn't have the means to eat healthy or whatever the case, but once you know, then do something about it. And by that, I don't mean order the left side of the fast food menu & a diet, no make that two, diet cokes. No. No. No.

I told Actor that I wasn't even raised to exercise. My parents don't exercise, and I'm sure everybody else in my family & probably most of my country don't exercise. Some say that our cuisine is very healthy compared to other countries (defnitely more healthy than what most Americans eat) And we all have great health. And we live longer. Go figure.

I was raised in the American culture so I exercise (well, sometimes ;-)) because I want to be & stay healthy. I don't do it because I want to lose "5 more pounds." I actually wanna gain weight but my metabolism is too damn fast. But yea, back to the subject at hand. Fat people.

I have numerous friends that, one might say, are overweight or even obese. But they carry themselves in a way that exudes beauty. Not trashy & nasty. And fat people usually have beautiful faces, so they play that up & dress very appropriately & sexy without overdoing it. Let's be real, there are some things that fat people shouldn't wear. Yea you can be sexy & all that, big up for you, but don't push it. Don't ever walk out your house wearing a bikini, thong, short skirt, or any other thing that'll show your 8 millions rolls, and your stomach too. That's nasty.

And what trips me out the most is when fat people in denial. That is THE best; it's very entertaining. You know those fat people that swears that they're thick or big-boned? lmfao. Yea. Right. What kind of bone are you made of? Dinosaur? Those people that describe themselves as the sexiest, curviest, and voluptious thing walking? And you see them or their pictures and be like damnnnnn, who were YOU talking about? Thick & voluptious is J.Lo, Tyra Banks, Beyonce, etc. Not old Star Jones & Mo'nique, even though I love them.

Case in point, be real with yourself people! Be proud & confident of who you are & what you look like, but don't be unrealistic. If you're fat, then you're fat. If you're skinny then you're skinny. You're both not thick or video girl material. Let it go. Be yourself. Stop hating on everybody else & work on yourself.

"He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each."
~ Douglas Adams

BLOGGING

I know that I only blog sometimes. I want to blog more, but then I don't. I want to let people know certain things, but for the most part I'm extremely extremely private. I don't wanna put my life or my family/friends' life on blast. I don't see how people do that. Sure I go through & experience things every single day. But if I were to put how I really felt about everything people would cry & crawl in a hole or be really upset & never speak to me again. So... I just continue living life, holding my tongue, only giving advice when asked, or speaking about something when it arises.

Maybe I'm helping them, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm not helping myself. I really don't care... much. I dunno. People are stupid and they get on my nerves. I think that's all that it basically boils down to. I feel like I tell people the same things over & over again, and they still go out and do the exact thing that I told them not to, and then they come back to me asking advice on "what should I do now?" Well if you would've listened to me in the first place, which I know you never will, then you wouldn't be in this predicament now would you? But you're gonna keep doing it over & over again so stop asking me for advice, and stop putting me in it.

It's so weird because I usually am an optimistic & a pleasant person. I believe that people can change & that everyone deserves a second chance. But sometimes I get tired of people coming to me with the same shit over & over again. It's very tiring & stressful and frankly, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. I'm trying to help you, but nomatter how much I do or say, at the end of the day it's up to you to make a difference in your life. I can't help someone who can't help themselves. Stop crying & do something about it. Or, if you choose to stay in your self-created destructive hole then leave me out of it.

This isn't for anyone in particular. Just people in general.

I forgot the whole purpose of this rant, but oh well... I guess it wouldn't be a rant any other way huh?

TOP (how many ever there are) THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY JOB

I used to work for this retail company. Not gonna say their name, but they know who they are. It was my first job; got it when I was 17 and was great at it. I started out as a cashier, then Guest Services, then I learned how to do everything. I could ring somebody up, do a return, ship stuff, help set up a wedding/ baby registry, work on salesfloor to straighten everything, etc etc. Whatever they needed, I could do it all.

Then I woke up one day and realized that that job was so full of crap. Dead ass. Full of crap. I should've been forewarned when I tried to switch locations cuz of school and the HR idiot claimed that he couldn't give me a "good recommendation." So I marched my yellow butt up to the new location & put in an application. I had to go through the interview process all over again and I had been with the company for over 2 years. Some bull right?

After passing the drug/background tests and making me a new name badge, they realized that my info was already on file and jokingly let me know that I didn't have to go through all of that. "All they had to do was transfer my file" they said. Funny huh? I'll give you something to laugh about you freaking tards.

So I work at the new location, making new friends and learning a brand new set up. Time goes by & the same bull keeps popping up. I mean, I never have a problem with any of my coworkers, just the management. They're full of waste bags. The store manager & salesfloor manager were cool. I loved them. But my direct cashier manager was hated by everybody. I'm 21; they're like 23 & 24 and they try to run everybody like they're so much older and have so much power. It got to the point where I was like screw it, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. Screw all of y'all. I KNOW how to do my job. I've been doing my job long before you even got yours, so float away from me. Don't say nothing to me.

Not to knock anybody, but I was the hardest working person they had there. And they knew it too. They worked me the hardest. And I didn't mind, thinking one day it was gonna pay off. I used to have to stock the coolers with drinks (lifting & putting the extra heavy crates onto the flatbed first, which hurt my back,) wipe the registers off every night, and during the holiday season have to stay till 2 or 3 in the morning trying to put the store back together. Basically busting my behind because I was proud of my work. Whatever I do I put 120% in, so I was always pleasant to the customers and etc. I was gonna be manager, but my school interfered with the work schedule. They wanted me to be available 24/7 which I was NOT gonna do. Then it got to the point where they were cutting alot of hours; I had 8 hours per week for like a month straight. 8 HOURS!!! They tried to spread it apart & gave me 2 days per week, 4 hrs. each, like that would look better. 8 HOURS!!! What am I gonna do with that? Can't even put gas in the car with that crap. And to put the icing on the cake, they gave all the new people 40 hours every week. Here I am, been slaving for this company for 3 1/2 yrs., getting 8 hours/week while the brand new people who don't even know what the heck they're doing are getting 40/week. Haha. I had to laugh to keep from Columbining the whole management team.

One day I said to Actor "I'm gonna get me a better job. Screw this stupid bull."
So I got on Craigslist and started my search. Things were looking real grim; I sent out over 300 resumes online and nothing. A few weeks later someone finally responded and that was the only one I needed. This sweet lady interviewed me over the phone and 2 weeks later I interviewed face to face at the office. I got the job of course, and when I tell you that I drove straight to the retail place after the interview and threw up the deuces? I sure did. And it felt good too.

I started this job in February and boy am I blessed. I am an Executive Administrative Assistant for this clothing company and I love it. Here's to you my wonderful new abode. *raises glass*


---
~ My hours are great. I beat traffic in the morning AND when I get off. Then I have the whole day to myself.

~ I get paid double the stupid retail price & I do way less work.

~ Fresh coffee waiting for me every morning. There's unlimited hot chocolate, green tea, etc... and sodas in the vending machine are only 60 cents.

~ My lunch is an hour long, and I get to take it whenever I want and go wherever I want.

~ If I have to drive somewhere, I'm reimbursed for my gas. Holla

~ Free alterations. I'm short so I usually have to alter all of my jeans.

~ No one is watching or hovering over me. I do what I do on my own time, and still get everything accomplished ON time.

~ My benefits are the greatest. They cover $20gs life insurance FREE, plus I add extra to it. I have medical, dental, AND vision, and only copay $15 every time I go somewhere.

~ I have two weeks paid vacation a year. Once the week of July 4th, and once the week of Christmas through New Years. That means I never have to worry about trying to get off and not getting approved and being pissed off and bitter for the holidays.

~ My coworkers are funny & silly. We have so much fun AND still get our business handled.

~ I get to coordinate suits & match ties to make a hot ensemble.

~ I get to steam, lint roll clothes, and tape boxes. I never knew one could have so much fun doing so. I'm weird so what?

~ I have my own cubicle, with my own phone & extension #, my own computer, and my own company email address.

~ I'm appreciated. My bosses always ask (and not tell) me to do something. They say thank you and tell me how much they appreciate my work almost every day.

~ I'm good at it. I'm on top of every aspect while working for 3 different people.
---

Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

LET'S MAKE A SLAVE!

For the record, I do not encourage nor condone slavery. AT ALL. In fact, I'm highly highly HIGHLY opposed to it.

*Sidenote: when I say black, I mean African American, with all due respect... It's just too long to type every time.

For those who don't know me: I am not black. I am Asian (Vietnamese & 1/3 Chinese). I grew up in the poor part of Atlanta where I can't even remember seeing any white faces. All of my friends were either Black, Asian, or Hispanic. I had a couple of white friends at school, but I was always drawn to black people. I grew up listening to rap, hip hop, & r&b. All of my boyfriends were black, I ate "soul food" religiously, and my, lingo if you will, was very urban. My parents never taught me anything but stay in school and be a doctor when you grow up. Everything I know I learned from the streets. I was basically raised by all of my black friends and their families.

I was and still am, very offended when people make racist comments toward African Americans. I'd probably be more offended if someone was racist towards Actor than he would be. It boils my blood. I mean, nobody ever really made racist comments toward me growing up because they know I really don't give a F$#! about what they say or think. So *shrugs*... But it really angers me when I see or hear anything racist. Makes me just wanna crack their skull open with a rusty hammer... But ANYway... *breathes* We read something that was life changing a couple of days ago and felt the need to share it with the world.

GO TO: WWW.THETALKINGDRUM.COM/WIL.HTML

READ... READ IT THREE TIMES.

Read it the 1st time with anger. 2nd time with understanding. And third time with understanding and the mindset of change.

After reading you might even forget to come back & hear what I have to say about it, but in case you do:

It was by pure fate that we ran across this article. I mean, we were meant to receive this article...

Me and Actor bought some drinking glasses for his dad from Ikea. The next day we were on our way down south (we live in Atl, he lives about 40 minutes away) to give them to him. I've been on this Sudoku binge for about two weeks & take the book everywhere with me. Well, on that fateful day I forgot my pencil AND we forgot the glasses at home. We realize this after 15 minutes of driving of course.

On our way back home Actor's brother B-Ball calls and asks if Actor could stop by his job and pick up his check for him. Because Actor used to work there & had a semi-bad ending with them, he hesitantly agrees to do so... We arrive & drive past the security guy, who is a good friend of Actor's. He asks if we have a minute because he wants to share something with Actor. After picking up B-Ball's check we went back to the booth & his friend gave him this reading. He wrote a side note and a letter for him & everything. They used to always share unique findings with each other.

The side note said "The way you love is beautiful. Love as, love goes, no colors."

After skimming through the article we both knew that it was going to be a good read. We stopped by a Pho (Vietnamese noodle restaurant) place to get something for me, and headed to the mall to sit down & eat. Actor started reading it while I was killing the Sudoku. Every few minutes he would look up and look around. He finished & started telling me about the article and I'm like "WHOA!!! Hold up let me read it. I wanna see this for myself."

So I read. And I looked up every few minutes just like he did... Why? Because everything that he put in place is still happening right this second. And I read every sentence about 5 times each to make sure that I'm understanding what it says... And I kept looking around and seeing everything & everyone move in slow motion. It was so clear.

If some people refer to Hitler as a genius, then what is Willie Lynch? A more evil genius? I mean, what kind of person actually sits down and think of how to boost their economy by suppressing others? The killing, torturing, mind-game playing, and basically setting a system that hurts people for years & years to come. People are still hurt by it; whites and blacks the same. They are still victims to this cruel cruel plan.

That speech was made in 1712. He said his system would last for AT LEAST 300 years!!! 300 years isn't till 2012 people!!!

Look around. You see the broken families? Why? Because they set it up a lonngggggg time ago for it to be that way. They purposely made the males breed as much as they can to get more "workers", take them away from their families, make it seem like the man is worth nothing, therefore making the women depend & eat out of their white hands, boring their children to grow up and trust & depend on the white man. And the cycle starts all over again. It's some shit ain't it?

I look around today. Still happening. Almost all of my friends that have kids? Two words: baby daddies (One if you slur it all together.) And what sends me over the roof is that everyone seems to think that it's normal now. WHAT THE F$&% MAN?!!! That ain't normal!!! I dunno about others but I was raised to believe that men & women should get married and then have kids. Sure it's 2007 and the order might get mixed up a little bit, hence the kid before the wedding, but there should still BE one, you know? Call me old fashion all you want, but I am old fashion & a Christian & that's what he wants for us... Let me stop cuz this is a whole 'notha subject that I will write about later...

But yea... I look around & I see Willie Lynch's "system" EVERYWHERE and it pisses me off. Take, for another instance, the whole light skinned dark skinned battle. I have black friends in every shade possible and I love them all. My friend Nikki has sisters and they're all different shades from each other. She's darker than all of them, and her older sister is lightest. Whenever we hang out people would approach her sister 1st and catcall at her, etc... I don't get it because they're both equally attractive. And alot of my friends (male AND female) swear that they only date light or dark skinned people. I know that people have their preferences in a mate, but the shade of someone's skin shouldn't be a factor. Once again, you win Willie.

Let's not even talk about the whole Young & Old battle... No. LETS... Why do older people think that they know everything? They always seem to talk down to younger people like we don't know what the hell we're doing or talking about. Yea you have some years on us, but years don't equal knowledge. Education & experience equals knowledge. You could be 70 years old & never left the house or went to school. Do you really think that you know more than me? Nahhh buddy. You still have some grown ass 40 year old boys running around out there, while 20 somethings are becoming CEOs & millionaires... On the other spectrum, some young people are dumb too. They talk too much, party too hard, have 8 kids by 8 different women and bounce... etc etc. Older people been married for 50 years, take care of their families, and are very wise. Case in point, each person is different. WE SHOULDN'T JUDGE ONE ANOTHER BY AGE. We should, instead, help each other out. Learn stuff from each other. Build one another up instead of breaking down. Cuz if we keep doing that, at some point everyone's gonna be broke down to the bottom & the white man's gonna be looking down at all of us saying "Look at them dumbasses." "Oh well... let's hire them at minimum wage and work them harder than the other people that get paid $50/hr. and do nothing all day."

And how can I talk about battles & not mention the battles of the sexes? Classic ain't it? Men & Women. Women & Men. blah blah blah blah blah. Boy if I could count the pennies that I'd get for how many arguments that I've seen/been in... I'd be one rich little Asian girl. I think every single one of us has been in one of those fights. And for what? Damn you Willie Lynch!!! Argggg!!! I'm sure that battle's been around wayyyyy before you were born but we're on an anti- Willie Lynch post right now so you're responsible. ARGGG... Don't you hate it? The whole "You're a woman so you stay home & clean, cook, then clean up the mess that you made when you cooked, iron my drawers, throw them legs up when I get home cuz I want some, spit out my babies, and then take care of the baby while I'm sitting there playing Xbox in them drawers that you ironed for me" crap? Or the "You're a man so you gotta work all day while I go do my nails & sip cocktails, then come home & work out cuz I like my man swole, then take me shopping for 5 hours & buy me stuff that i KNOW you can't afford, then complain cuz I still didn't get that other purse that I wanted, then make strong passionate love to me allllll night cuz of course, you're not tired are you? You're a man." crap?... Yea. Enough said.

I could write 18 billion blogs about the endless battles, but I don't have the time or energy to. Maybe one day when I'm retired & worth billions of dollars so that I don't have to think about anything but massages and sunsets... Maybe one day.

I'm not too sure if I stayed on subject with the whole Willie Lynch thing. lol. Somewhere along the way I got too heated for my own good and just started throwing out views on EVERYTHING. haha... But the moral of today is, children, STOP LIVING IN THE SYSTEM. TAKE YOURSELF OUT NOWWW!!!!!! Think about it like an invisible jail. You don't see it, but you're still bounded by it. Read that article again & do something about it. The most effective way to change the world is by starting with yourself. Now go! Shoo! I have to go sip my cocktails & wait on my man to come home & take me shopping ;-p.



Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

MY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!

That girl is GROWNNNN. Holla. The end.






















Just kidding. haha.

It was the best birthday everrrrr. I thought we were going out to a dinner party with our friends but boy was I fooled.

I did my girly thing & got dressed & dolled up and everything and was ready to go. Actor came in the room with some roses & a card & this HUGE happy birthday balloon. The roses were wonderfully scented & the card was perfect. It was black & gold with a magnolia flower on the front. I love cards & he always gets me a card with something gold or yellow on it because that's my favorite color. And this one had one of my favorite flowers on there too. Yay.

Then he told me that I couldn't leave the room...I was like huh? ...

I sat there, watching him run in and out of the room grabbing random things and taking it into the living room. About 20 minutes passed and he says "Ok you can come out now." We walked into the living room and it was astonishing. He'd turn it into a romantic restaurant. There were two tv dinner tables put together to form one table, a table cloth, a beautiful red charger (for those of you who don't know: No it's not a car; it's the big plate that you set your dinner plate on. Kind of a nice decoration or whatever. *"The more you know" music plays*)
But anyway... a beautiful red charger, candles on the table, and artsy folded cloth napkins. He'd put my yellow mesh laundry bag over the floor lamp and a red piece of tissue paper over it to create a radiant glow of reddish/orangish light in the room. My baby's creative :-) He's a born artist, you better recognizeee.

I'm standing there admiring the creativity and beautiful room set up when someone knocked on the door. We weren't expecting company so I was like "Who is that?" He was still being all silly & mysterious and smirked at me. The door opens & this big swole guy walks in holding a bunch of kitchen utensils & groceries. "Ok?" I thought. "Who is he & what is he doing here?" "Babe this is (I'll call him Chef) Chef, our chef for the evening; Chef this is Akanke the love of my life & birthday girl. Do come in." "Hey, nice to meet you." *shakes hand* Actor shows him to the kitchen & he starts to get down. He brought pans & restaurant ingredients & everything to our house.

At this point my knees are weak, my mouth is dry, I'm speechless, bout to cry, and lightheaded from this burst of happiness running through my veins. He grabs me closer, wraps his arms around me, kisses my forehead, nose, cheeks, lips, and said "Happy 21st Birthday baby. I love you." "I love you too baby. Oh my God this is the best day of my life so far!" "Yea?" "What are you kidding me?! Yea!!! Nobody's ever bought a chef home to cook dinner for me, EVERRR"

We stood in the kitchen & conversed & watched him cook. He showed us cooking tips, and explained step by step what he was doing so we would know how to do it ourselves. It was like a cooking show right in my kitchen...

After setting steak, shrimp, and this italian grits thingy (forgot what is was called) made with specialty cheese and white wine, decadently on the plate, dinner was served. Actor pulled out my chair and sat me down, got us some fruit punch (holla), and we started eating. It was one of the best meals that I've ever had. The food was orgasmic, the room beautiful, my baby's brown eyes glistening at me... The night was perfect.

A few hours later we went to the movies to see "Pursuit of Happiness" It was perfect because my name in Vietnamese means "Happiness" and what better time to see that movie than on me birthday? The movie was great. The acting was wonderful, and his son gave the movie a warm touch. It made me laugh, made me cry. It was truly worth our time. To me, a movie is good when it can make you laugh, cry, angry, sympathetic, and all these emotions at the same time. Especially towards the same person... Now THAT is a great movie. More about movies at a later time my children. More about movies at a later time.

All in all, my 21st birthday was more than I'd ever expect it to be. I was on a high that day, and a couple of days afterwards...


"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."
- Larry Lorenzoni


Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

CHRISTMAS

This Christmas started off kinda rough. Everyone's cash flow was low so we had to make the best of what we had. Our roommate ( I'll call her Cali because that's where she's from) quit her job and was looking for another one. Actor's younger brother's (I'll call him B-Ball cuz he lives & breathes basketball) girlfriend (I"ll call her Sci-Fi cuz that's her nickname) purse got stolen by one of her coworkers. It was dirty man; they emptied her bank account. And she was about to get a car too.

But anywhos, all of us did what we had to do to get each other at least one great gift. I hate getting stupid gifts. I'd rather you not get me anything than to get me some socks or gloves for Christmas. I mean sure I could always use some more, but as a Christmas gift? That's kinda sorry. Like one of Actor's uncles would say "Ummm... SOMEbody needs to step their game up *chuckle chuckle*"

Everybody chipped in to get a real Christmas tree. Me and Actor went to Lowe's and got us a 6ft tree for $30 bucks. hehe. I love getting good stuff for cheap :-). It was my 1st real tree in my first apartment. It was cool. Double :-).

We decided to have Christmas dinner at our place this year. We were gonna go to Savannah but things didn' t turn out as expected so we stayed in Atl. I cooked meatballs, cornbread, jambalaya, shrimp alfredo pasta, vegetables, and brownies for desert. Cali helped me out.

It was just family there: Me, Actor, Cali, her boyfriend & Actor's music mate (I'll call him Gameboy cuz he loves games), B-Ball, Sci-Fi, and Actor's youngest brother Meatball. The Fro was out of town.

After dinner we all gathered around the tree to open presents. Actor got sooo many presents. lol. loser. I got him a PSP that he's been hinting about since forever. (Got his ars too cuz he really thought he wasn't gonna get one) I also got him the Metal Gear Solid game to go with the PSP, a green Ecko hoodie, couple of Dvds, and a whole bunch of little knick knacks for stocking stuffers. He got me a diamond cross necklace that I've been wanting foreverrr (Got my ars too cuz I thought it was in a box under the tree but it was on the bottom of my stocking.) I cried when I saw the box. lol. It was very emotional for some reason. He got teary-eyed too. We're gay we know. Screw you *mugs*... He also got me these hard Nikes. It was white, gold, and red with flower embroidery on it. He always get me shoes. I'm not a shoe person so I don't ever buy any for myself. Occasionally I will but I'll buy stillettos. lol. I think every single pair of sneaks I have he bought for me. He also got me lots of little knick knacks that I like.

Cali & Gameboy bought me a green/brown polka dot shirt and matching necklace & earrings. We bought him some black Vans and an XOXO purse for her.

Sci-Fi & B-Ball got Bre a brown jacket and matching Nikes. They got me an electronic photo frame. It's hardddd. It changes pix and can play video and mp3 songs too. I love it! Me & Actor are gadget junkies.

B-Ball got a PSP too. Brothers I tell you... First Actor wanted one & me and B-Ball went & bought it. Then B-Ball saw how hard it was & told Sci- Fi that he wanted one too. We told them that we couldn't afford it to throw them off, but they both GOT GOT cuz they really weren't expecting it.

We got Actor's mom a silver & gold DKNY watch. Pop got some shoes. We got Fro a blue watch too.

We went to the movies to see Rocky Balboa. That's one of my favorite series of movies. It was great. We loved it.

Overall, our Christmas was blessed & filled with family, friends, great food, and great presents. I couldn't have asked for anything better.


Thanks for reading. Until next time... Akanke

THANKSGIVING

This Thanksgiving went by as sort of a blur. Since my family don't celebrate anything I usually spend my holidays with Actor and his family. But his parents are going through some sort of separation phase so they're not together for this occasion. We were invited to his cousin's house so we came through to show our face and ate a little bit. The food was alright. It wasn't the best but we're thankful to even have a hot meal so we can't complain. lol. We then went to our friend Fro's house to chill with his family for a bit. I'll call him Fro because he has this huge fro that people be diving in and getting lost and reach the other side of Narnia and shat. But yea... Me, Actor, Fro, and a couple other people went to the movies to see Casino Royale. It was great. The chase scene at the beginning was CRAZYYYYYYYYYY; that's a movie worth checking out.

By the way, if I haven't mentioned, I love movies. That's one of my passions. I 'll stay in (or go out) and watch movies all day if I could. I also want to be an actress one day. I'm working towards it :-)

But anyhoos, for this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for: my life, my family and friends, Actor and his family and friends, love, joy, happiness, pain, good times, bad times, everything and anything inbetween. They have all made me a stronger and better person and I'm grateful for everything. I hope you have lots to be thankful for too.

Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

SLEEP & THE LACK THEREOF

I've been up all night...

Actor has a cold and he's not feeling too well. We went to sleep and I woke up a few minutes later because I was hot. I rubbed his arms as always and I felt that that was where the heat was coming from. I felt his shirt and it was damp. I felt his forehead and it was soaking wet. I got up, got a washcloth and patted his face down. He stirred and woke up for 20 seconds and fell back asleep. I've been up all night ever since just to check up on him. Gotta make sure my baby is ok.

I love watching him sleep. He's so beautiful (in a manly way of course. lol) He looks so innocent and peaceful that it gives me a peace of mind. When I wake up and I see his face it starts my day off right. When I have a nightmare and jump up out of my sleep I see his face and I'm instantly calmed. He holds me just to make sure.

I hate my job. I really do. But when I wake up in the morning and I see him, it drives me to go to work. I gotta provide my half for the both of us. I would never want him to go out and hustle all day while I'm at home doing nothing. I'm not a homebody. I have to work. I wake up and I see him and I remember that certain Roc outfit that he wants, or that certain game or guitar book and I get up and get dressed for work.

We're gonna be big one day. Mark my words. We're gonna be the next Russel Simmons and Kimora; Jay Z and Beyonce, Will and Jada if you will. You'll see. But we'll still be the same people. We'll still laugh and have fun. We'll still eat good. Just that we'll be able to provide for each other and for our family and friends. We'll still work hard, doing what we love: music and movies.


Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

HE IS

Actor is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and the best man that I know in my life. He is. He’s the best man that I know. He raised the bar so high (for my expectations of a boyfriend) that no one else that I talked to could even come close to measuring up to.

He’s on time, and even early, if I need him to pick me up somewhere. He asks me how my day was and genuine cares. He calls me to share good and bad news. He calls me out when I’m doing something stupid. He’s my best friend. He is.

He gives me two straws cuz he knows that I like to drink with two (you get more drink man :-D) He brings me food, heats it up, and bring it to me in my room with his own fancy folded napkins. He cooks for me. He feeds me, even in public. We do what we do, even in public, cuz we could care less what people think or say about us… He’s my personal chef. He is.

He puts gas in my car when he drives it. He checks my oil and everything just to make sure my car is running properly. He washes and cleans my car (even though he’s the one that messes it up 90% of the time. lol) He calls me to say “Be careful” when I’m on the road and the weather is bad. He is my protector. He is.

He buys me flowers “cuz it’s Thursday.” He calls/ texts me “Hi” or “I love you” randomly. He kisses me on my forehead and runs his fingers through my hair until I fall asleep. He rubs his feet against mine when we sleep. Our face touches and we breathe each other’s air when we sleep. He drives my body crazy day, night, and even in between. He is my lover. He is

I don't care about big gestures; I don't care about money. Simple things like that make me love him so much. Even when we’re broke and down to our last half a cent we still have so much fun. Just simple every day things show me that he loves me, and I always try my best to love him just the same, if not more.


Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

THE THINGS I CHERISH IN LIFE

~ Thunderstorms/ Rain/ Snow
~ Sleeping through all of the above
~ Sleeping when it’s cold
~ Good food :-D
~ Thanksgiving/ Christmas dinners
~ Warm clothes, fresh out of the dryer
~ Writing a heartfelt song
~ Hearing a good track
~ Harmonies

* Music is one of my passions*

~ Sitting in the living room with my mom, not saying a word, but knowing that we love each other.
~ Learning how to cook new things
~ Cooking
~ Drinking sweet tea, with 2 straws
~ Playing pool
~ Watching basketball
~ Making jumpshots
~ Walking in the park
~ Hugs, especially when he’s behind me
~ Kisses
~ Holding hands. Holding pinkies
~ Going to Wal-Mart at 2am with my crazy friends
~ Going to Waffle House/ Ihop in the middle of the night
~ Wearing jeans and a T-shirt
~ Bubble baths (if I ever have time to take one)
~ Falling asleep with the music on

~ Hearing a child’s laughter
~ Watching a baby’s toes wiggle
~ Holding a baby and his/her fingers wrap around yours
~ Taking pictures of: the beautiful sky, sunsets/sunrises, buildings, unique shapes found in every day things
~ Falling in love

*LIVE LIFE PASSIONATELY, LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, LAUGH UNTIL YOUR BELLY HURTS*

REUNITED & IT FEELS SO GOOD

Me and Actor are on speaking terms now. Well, I guess you could say more than speaking terms; we actually like each other again. Lol. Like I said in the previous blog, separation was well needed. We took that time to build ourselves up as individuals, so now our relationship is stronger than before.

The other day we were in the car sharing war stories about the people that we were talking to. He told me of how him and ___ are never gonna be together. She’s done a lot of things that makes him look at her sideways. And the other chick he was talking to is now a stripper. Needless to say, he’s not giving her another call. I told him of how one guy I was talking to was too shy and I couldn’t deal with it. And the other guy was a pretty boy, which makes me wanna puke just thinking about it.

As I was talking about how disgusted I was with the latter, he just started laughing. I was like “What?” and he continues to laugh.
“What?”
and he says “Come here.”
“What?” (squinting my eye, preparing to sock him)
“Come hereee”… so I leaned closer.

And he kissed me. Repeatedly. While driving. He got skills by the way. Lol…
As I caught my breath, I asked “What? Why are you being gay?”
he says “I missed you too.”
I pull back, folding my arms across my chest and struggle to muster up a “Whatever.”
“I diddd. I missed you too baby.”
Moving all the way to the right of the car into my own little corner, arms still crossed, I said “Who said I missed you? You’re gay.”
And he laughs. “They just weren’t you. They wasn’t it. They’re just not my Akanke.”

This is the part where I’m glad I had shades on cuz I was misty eyed and didn’t want him to see. Hell, I was semi-bawling. I did everything I could to force the tears back into my eyes, but it didn’t work very well. He grabbed my hand and locked it with his. We rode in silence for a couple of minutes… I told him the same; told him that I tried seeing other people, but nobody could measure up to him. It was exactly the same for me. They just weren’t him; weren’t my Actor.

You see, I’ll never admit that I was thinking about him the whole time we were separated (well I guess I just did, but if he asks me then I’m gonna run. Lol) Every guy that tried to talk to me I immediately found something wrong with them. Their teeth were messed up, their eyes were slanted wrong, their muscles were weird looking; any diss you could think of, I probably said it. I just didn’t want anybody else. I tried. I tried to expand my horizons and talk to people that I don’t usually talk to and give people a chance (cuz I’m picky as hell) but nothing felt right. I aggravated everyone cuz I kept talking about Actor every two seconds. They said nothing but I could feel that they were irritated with me… Oh well, they don’t have to deal with me, and I don’t have to deal with them anymore.

Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

REMINISCING

Reminiscing about the past couple of months makes me shake my head and laugh at myself. It’s more of a pity laugh. A how can you be so childish and selfish? laugh. You see, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and growing the past couple of months. Going through the motions with Actor, going to Church and getting closer to Him has changed so much in me, and for the better.

I couldn’t see it at the moment, but mine and Actor’s separation was the best thing that could have happened to us. Through the numerous, long, tedious, dramatic, upsetting, horrific, agonizing fights, we’ve both come out better than before. I realized a lot of things on my part. I shouldn’t have blamed him for anything. I shouldn’t have held grudges. I should have communicated more instead of bottling everything inside and letting it explode out of nowhere and he’s looking at me like “What the hell?”… I do that a lot. Holding everything inside that is. Guess it was a survival instinct; a “never let them see you sweat” kinda mentality. I’ve grown used to looking out for myself and taking care of myself all these years that, even when I had someone who loved me more than love itself, I still couldn’t turn it off

I shouldn’t have concentrated so much on what he did wrong to me and focused on what *I* was doing wrong and better myself. I shouldn’t have talked to our mutual friends about our problems. We got everyone involved in our business, which made everything even more complicated because most of our fights consisted of “He said she saids.” It was terrible. I shouldn’t have lashed out at his ex or any other chick cuz he’s a good man. I could see why any woman would want to be with him.

So take it from me my fellow friends: THERE ARE CIVILIZED WAYS TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS!!!

Be patient. Be understanding. Be kind. Love that person. Yes it may seem extremely difficult to even care what the other person has to say at that moment, but DO IT!!!! Before you lash out and name faults in the other person, look at yourself in the mirror and work on you 1st. Communicate more; tell them everything that you’re feeling and why. Don’t just say “You hurt me.” Say “I felt hurt when you did that because…”

Don’t be so quick to judge and curse and go all crazy on your significant other, or any other parties involved. It is NOT going to help anything!!! If you need some time away from each other, do that. Separation gives you time to miss each other and even realize how much you love each other. If you guys never come back to each other then at least you’ll still be friends and not hate each other. If it’s meant to be it will be. Don’t rush it. Don’t push. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If you try to pull him, he’ll push away just as hard… Just live and learn man. Take care of one another. You’re all each other have in this cold world. And read the Bible. Go to Church together. When you strengthen your relationship with Him, everything else will fall into place. Be blessed ya’ll


Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

DO NOT MURMUR OR COMPLAIN

There are numerous things that annoy me, but Pastor says that you shouldn’t complain or murmur… So I have decided to list the things that I just find so enchanting that I wanna choke it :-)

At the job: (I’m a cashier/guest service personnel)

Rude people

People who put money on the counter instead of handing it to you. Are you afraid that my clean hands are gonna infect your nasty, probably scratched your ass and picked your nose all day hands?

People who come up to your register AFTER looking at your light and seeing that it’s off. And get mad when I throw the peace sign and walk away from my register. lol

People who, after you’ve bagged every single item, say that they don’t want a bag.

Managers who knows less than you and barely do anything at all.

Lazy coworkers

People who come to return something without a receipt, without the packaging, without manners… do you really expect me to help you?

People who hit on me. Get a life!!! I’m at work. Go find somebody else to harass.

People who want me to double bag their M&Ms. Ummm… If you want some extra bags why don’t you just freakin ask for one? Why the heck do you want to double bag your tic tac?

People who come in, buys two carts of crap, comes up to your register, then *gasps* forgot their card, or better yet, “forgot to transfer their money from their savings into their checking.”… Yea. Right. Get yo broke ass outta my line.

People who randomly throw crap that they don’t want anywhere. I have a bin, no, make that TWO, bins that I can put it in. All you have to do is hand it to me… I wonder what your house looks like.

- People who don't respond when you talk to them. I'm like "Hey how you doing today?" and they're just standng there staring at me. What are you staring at? Answer my freaking question!!!

- People who talk on their phone. I don’t care if you’re talking and still putting your pin number in, but if you’re just standing there talking, and just staring at me staring at you like “You have 3 seconds to sign or I’m gonna stab you with my pen.” Yea. Get off the phone!!! *grabs your phone, throws it on floor and stomps on it. Gets in car, runs over it, reverse, runs over it again. Throws it in the river*

------

On the road:

Slowwwww drivers. Oh my GODDDDDDDD. The speed limit says 35, you’re supposed to go at least 40. UGHHHHHH. Or how about you go at least 60 or just get outta my way. K thanx :-)

People who have their blinkers on for 8 miles… and never turn

People who know you’re trying to pass them to get from behind the slowww car and they speed up. Oh you wanna race? We can do that.

People who get to the stop sign before you do and just sit there… you’re trying to let them go 1^st so they don’t feel the urge to move when you move cuz they got there 1^st… cuz if you hit me we gotta problem.

People who hit on you. From the passenger seat. Looking like “who done it." I speed off. Their car isn’t fast enough to even catch up.

People who litter. I wanna throw some nasty, smelly, funky trash at your eye. Then make you eat it… Nvm. It’d probably turn you on. Nasty #%$^$*%

Traffic. It’s great. It’s what I live for. What smart person decided that everyone should get off work at the same time?

I swear when I get my Escalade I’m gonna put a grill on the front and ram everybody that’s in my way.

-----

Men:

Pretty boys. They disgust me. Lol. If you spend more time getting ready than I do then we have a problem. Of course I love it if you keep yourself clean and fresh but if you start pouting/crying when it rains cuz your hair, clothes and shoes are gonna get wet then… wow… (yes, that has actually happened to me *stares at you*)

Arrogant men. If you think you’re better than everybody and that nobody deserves you, you’re probably right. How about you just go marry yourself and have a honeymoon with yourself, looking in the mirror at yourself… There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance. The only “self” that’s good is “selfless.”

- Shy men. It is not my job to hold a conversation with you. I am not a host and you are not on an interview. Do not make me ask you questions and you answer and then it’s quiet again. I want a man who tells me stories and is funny and keeps the convo going. Not someone who’s gonna sit there and just look good.

Desperate Men. No means no. Women know right off the bat if she wants to be with you or not. So if she declines, let it go. If she changes her mind later on she’ll let you know. Stop begging. Stop hitting on her. It makes her run even further away from your desperate ass. There’s a difference between persistence and desperation. Persistence is if you’re cute and you know she’s feeling you but she’s scared to go forward. That’s when you keep trying. Desperation is when she doesn’t answer any of your calls, never wanna hang out with you, tries to walk away when you head in her direction. LEAVE HER ALONE.

- Old Men. Ok. Now this is just gross. You know better. If you have grandkids my age or if your child is my age. Don’t talk to me. Matter of fact. Keep moving. End of story. Period. Especially if you’re bald, have no teeth, and smell like Bengay. Let it go. Go to a nursing home and leave me alone. K thanx.

Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

SPECIAL

Hey ya’ll sorry I’ve been ghost for a minute but I never forgot about ya. Just been doing a lot lot lot lot lot. Got school all morning, work all night, and all the free time I have been in the studio trying to perfect my music. I’m getting ahead of myself, more about that later. Lol… But yea, it’s been real hectic.

But anywhos… I have something really special that I wanna share with ya.

I attended Bible study (it’s a weekly thing for me. It’s my crack. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or what’s going on, I make sure I get there.) on Wednesday. I had the pleasure of being accompanied by my “brother from another mother.” Lol. He’s my friend in the physical world and also the spiritual. I’ll call him Songs because he is my singing inspiration.

Ok. So I’ve mentioned my pastor before. He’s the greatest. He really connects with each and every single person sitting in the crowd. He’s full of wisdom, has healing strengths given to him by the Anointed one, teaches you exactly what you need to know to strengthen your relationship with Him, and plus he’s ridiculously funny. He dresses very sharp; razor like if you will. He stays in a suit and tie every time we see him. But on this particular day he came out with just a button down shirt and jacket. His wife joins him; they pull up chairs and sit in the middle of the floor. He says “I wanna get personal. I wanna talk to you about Love. About your marriages, about divorce, about anything that you have on your mind. Grab a hold of the mic, stand up, and talk to me. What’s going on?”

One particular man comes up and, long story short, says that he was married for 19 years and she left him. He was the perfect man. Nurturing, caring, providing, and did everything for her, and she just up and left him.

Pastor laughs. He says “Sooo, you were a perfect man, and she just up and left you? Really?... So what are you leaving out?”

The man laughs. “Nothing. I did everything right. I prayed about it and everything.”

“Well you gotta be leaving something out man. Ain’t no woman gonna leave a man that’s all that.”

“No, I didn’t…”

“ You must not have been hitting it right.”

Laughter roars among the congregation. That’s how Pastor is. He isn’t all “Let’s get the Holy Ghost and sing and dance and praise the Lord” He keeps it real. He preaches what you can really utilize in your everyday life. Knowledge isn’t worth anything if it isn’t applied.

“No man, I swear I did everything right… Well… I mean, I wasn’t perfect all the time”

“Oh ok, NOW we getting somewhere.” Lol

Basically his response was: People are selfish. It’s always me me me. I wanna be happy; I wanna be with you because you make me feel good. And when you get hurt you lash out. Hurt people make stupid decisions. People always tend to blame the other person for their relationship failures. It’s always “He/she did that, and he/she did that and that and THAT. And I didn’t do nothing wrong. What you SHOULD do is pray about it. Talk to them. And instead of pointing the finger, turn it at yourself. Ask the other person what YOU are doing wrong and you embetter (sp?) YOURSELF first. When you change yourself people around you will change.

- A woman grabs the mic and says that she and her husband are going through some really rough times. He doesn’t speak to her nicely, the financials are plummeting, and they’re arguing everyday. They have kids together and she wants to make it work, but she’s getting really tired and aggravated and don’t know how much longer they can do this.

Pastor says that according to Him. Love NEVER fails. If you love the person, nomatter how bad they treat you, nomatter how much they try to resist, love will conquer. A person, nomatter how far off, will change for the better if they see how much you love them. Don’t be stupid and stay in an abusive relationship, use your common sense. But if they are worthy, don’t leave them just because you have problems. Stay through the thick and thin, love them, pray for them, and they’ll see the God in you and realize how good of a person they have and turn their life around.

- A woman comes up and says that she and her (female) friend have been best friends for years, even before she met her husband. But he has a problem with them hanging out constantly; he feels like he has to fight for her attention. She doesn’t understand why he is uncomfortable with it since the friend was there before he was even in the picture.

Pastor says “So why didn’t you marry your best friend then?” (scattered laughter. Numerous people seem to agree with her.)

"First of all, your friend is single. Her lifestyle is completely different from yours and you shouldn’t hang like you’re still single. Marriage is the ultimate relationship. One should be devoted 1^st to God, and then to their spouse. Your spouse shouldn’t have to fight for your attention; he should have your full, undivided. No man or woman should come between a husband and wife’s relationship. If they do, then that man/woman has to be cut out of the picture. Period. Pastor says that there isn’t such a thing as “I’m going out to dinner with my friend (person of the opposite sex.) If you’re gonna be anybody’s friend you’re gonna be MY friend. Not my wife’s. You don’t have any business going out to dinner with her. Men are natural initiators. It is unnecessary business."

--

As we were walking to the car I said to Songs,
“That’s so funny. Some of the things that he said you’ve already told me. You’re a loser. You ain’t great. Lol.”
“I know I know, I’m the truth.”
“Shut up. You suck”

The story behind that is: I’m not the same person I was when I met him. I didn’t devote my life to the Savior until last year. My family is Buddhist, but they never really were actively involved, so I basically grew up Atheist. I was always in Chorus singing Gospel songs and praising him, but I never knew Him like that. Yet something in me was always drawn to Him. And when me and Actor were together he took me to church and sealed my devotion to Him. I got saved and from then on my life was never the same… One time, me and Actor had gotten into an argument and I was asking Songs for advice. He told me the exact same things that Pastor said “Love him, nomatter how wronged you feel. Love him, take care of him, and he’ll see it… etc.”

We talked about how our friends should have been there for that service because all of us have relationship problems. Mainly unworthy ones. To God, all of us (being in our 20s, unmarried) are nothing. The only relationship that God sees is marriage. So here we are, sleeping together, living together, getting into arguments about other people and how unappreciated you feel and blahzay blah. We’re acting like we’re married and having the same problems and arguments that married couples have.

People are so territorial. “He’s mine. She’s mine. Nobody can have her but me.” NO. YOU'RE WRONG. She’s not yours; he’s not yours. They are God’s children. They don’t belong to you. They’ll never be yours. Once you learn how to accept that you can both move on, praise him together, live according to his word, and your MARRIAGE will be an everlasting one.

Thanx for reading. Until next time... Akanke

THE MEANING BEHIND IT ALL

Maybe I should explain what my blog means… One day I was browsing through names that I would one day like to name my child (not that I am having one anytime soon) and I came across “Skylar.” It means “Eternal life, strength, love, and beauty.” These are all of the things that I believe in. Life is the journey that I live and learn from. Strength is what I always somehow muster up to get through all of my ordeals. Love is what I’ll always believe in nomatter what happened in my past relationships. And beauty is timeless. Not physical beauty. But inner beauty. The beauty of the arts. The beauty of life, strength, and love… all of these things are timeless. They are everlasting. These are the things that no one can take away from you even if they sell their soul to the devil. This is my blog…

And as I found Skylar, I found Akanke also, which is what I will be calling myself from now on. It means "To know her is to love her.”

All of my life I have been misunderstood. Misunderstood by my parents, my friends, my family, boyfriends, coworkers… EVERYONE… Everyone seems to swear that they know me up and down, inside and out, round and about, and whatever else you can think of. But they don’t know. They seem to have this image of me; this set, frozen, carved in stone image, that if you compare them side by side, contrast each other like water and oil. It just doesn’t mix.

To some I am the stubborn, loose, foul mouthed, rebellious, disrespectful bitch. To some I am the crazy, silly, funny, spontaneous, party girl. To some I am the quiet, emotional, spiritual, think too much perfectionist. To some I am the know what she’s doing, has everything going for her, wish I was her, independent, headstrong leader.

Well guess what y’all?

I am all of these things and none of these things. I am who I am. I will not bind myself to labels. I will not limit my self-identity to what you think of me. To what you want to see of me. To what you want me to be. To what you wish I wouldn’t be… I am who I am. I am a child of God. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a coworker, a lover. I am who I am…

To know me is to love me.

AT NIGHT I LAY IN BED

At night I lay in bed. And I think about a gabillion zillion things. Maybe this is why I never get any sleep. My bedtime is at least 4, or 5, or 6, or 7, or 8, or 9 every night/ morning even if I have to go to work at 10 in the morning. It’s cool how I’m a zombie at work everyday and nobody notices. Lol…

When I’m all alone, even when I’m surrounded by people, my mind RACES… Not like “Hmm, what am I going to eat today?” but more like the past, the present, the future, my life, my career, love, life, friends, God, family, conversations…etc etc. Imagine playing the lowest note on the piano and moving your fingers to the right, playing in order, getting all the way to the highest note and then smashing your 10 fingers on the first 10 keys that you see, repeatedly, in no kind of rhythm, and then banging your whole arm on the keys, then banging your head on the keys, and then you just jump on top of the piano, stomping on the keys with your torn shoes. And then you grab a grenade out of nowhere and throw it at the precious instrument and watch it explode.

That is how my mind feels every day. And every night. It doesn’t matter if I’m holding a conversation with someone, my mind is still running. It’s like my mind has a mind of its own. Now mind you, I am NOT crazy. Lol. The last time I checked I wasn’t bipolar or schizo or anything of that sort. I just think wayyyyyy too much. Almost borderline unhealthily.

I hate sharing my thoughts and feelings. The only person I tell everything to is God. And I don’t even have to tell him because he already knows :-). And you can catch most of my thoughts in my songs. But besides God, no one can get into my head like that. No one can get into my business like that. I am extremely extremely private. A yellow and black “do not cross” taped, thorn-filled, barbed wired, booby trapped, invisible bubble surrounds me and my thoughts and only the closest of the close can get a glimpse inside. But I only let them know what I want them to know.

So in sharing my thoughts with you (in Dane Cook’s voice) “You’re a lucky bastard/ bitch” whichever you prefer. I will try to be as open as possible. I will try to direct my fingers to type a portion of what my mind is thinking. Maybe in doing so will buy some time for my head not to explode, let others in a little more, discover things that I never even dared to imagine, and help you internet geeks discover something about yourself also :-).

Thanx for reading. Until next time… Akanke